I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
