hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
