By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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