Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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