Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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