Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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