The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
