in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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