If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
