Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
