Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
