Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
