is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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