Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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