I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
FUCK WHALES
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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