also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
