Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
