worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
