I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
