3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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