i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
