using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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