that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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