Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
