he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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