After last night, I could never be a politician.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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