He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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