K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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