i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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