he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
