if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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