There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
