Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
