i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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