I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
