Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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