I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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