quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
