my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
