Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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