Yo dont text me then not text me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
