I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
