So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
