I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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