i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
