I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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