So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
