Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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