The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
