I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
