I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
