Need sex. Gaining weight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
