But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
