made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
